Issue Two - November 2006
Adam and Eve and all that.
by Professor Sparelock Jones, Professor of Polytheism at Divinity Hall.
In the Garden of Eden there were not enough women to form a Rape Crisis Unit. If there had been they would have formed one. Even if Eve enjoyed the old Adam they would maintain she was being raped. If she didnâ€™t know what was happening how could she consent to it? It is as simple as that. Adam raped Eve. Donâ€™t think this is a daft proposition. The Appeal Court, (Lord McLuskey dissenting) went along with one very like it.
The proposition has its genesis in the Rape Crisis Unit. Their proposition is simple. Whatever happens to a woman is a manâ€™s fault. From this they have deduced two infallible facts. The first is that men are responsible for prostitution: the second is that in Scotland rape happens ten times a week, and men get away with it.
Letâ€™s start with prostitution. So far from men being responsible it is caused by womenâ€™s greed. Women know that men have a strong sex urge so they take financial advantage of it. They put up a stall in the market place, sit behind it and sell. By some twist of feminine logic they blame men because they buy. My thesis is easily proved. Hit Captain 66 on the web. You will see that thereâ€™s a whore in every hamlet, and that every little dear has her price.
Itâ€™s men who pay that price. Of course, just like any other profession prostitution has its abuses. Everyone, including myself is against pimps and bullies and women selling themselves for drugs. Apart from these abuses there are swathes of women for sale. Who can blame them? Their ugly unsaleable sisters perhaps, but not I.
RAPE CRISIS. WHAT CRISIS?
How often have you heard that there is a rape crisis? Â There is no such thing. Young women go out at night in a state of near nakedness. Then they pour drink down their throats and go home with men they donâ€™t know. That they are not raped is a tribute to the basic decency of every man who meets them. Manâ€™s strong sex urge is balanced by an equally strong instinct to protect the vulnerable`. It is young men who have taken over the traditional feminine roll of saying â€˜noâ€™. Women now offer maximum temptation and maximum opportunity and yet there is no increase in rape.
Shout that out loud. NO INCREASE IN RAPE. Â Do you want the figures? In 1985/86 there were 44 convictions for rape. In 2004/5 there were 41. These are Executive figures. Twenty years ago there was no DNA evidence. Now there is. Twenty years ago the law hadnâ€™t been twisted in favour of the prosecution. Now it has. Never has rape been more easily detected and more easily proved yet there is less of it. Where is the crisis?
The crisis is in the harm done to women by the Rape Crisis Unit. It constantly tries to force the Lord Advocate to bring unprovable cases. The woman who cries â€˜RAPEâ€™ is not named, while the accused is given full publicity. A charge of rape affects a manâ€™s womenfolk. He knows heâ€™s innocent. They donâ€™t. He may lose his wife, and his job. His children may lose their father. Then he will be found innocent as the majority are. In 1985/86 out of the 88 charged 47 were acquitted. Thus the very people the harpies seek to protect are terribly harmed. Why do the harpies do this to other women? It is difficult to think that they are not sex-obsessed. They are the bogey-women of Scottish society.
Women and sex are funny things. I am the only person in Divinity Hall to mention them.Â â€˜Sex,â€™ I say to the young ministers, â€˜is one of the few things that is cheaper to buy by the nip than the bottle.â€™Â But I mustnâ€™t say anymore. Iâ€™ve got my job to think of.
Shortly after writing this Professor Sparelock Jones was found in bed with one of his senior students. He has lost his job. She has gone to be Minister of a Cathedral. We cannot name her for legal reasons. A rape charge is pending. Her claim with the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board has already been filed.