Ian Hamilton QC

 Chapter One

Once there was a country called Secunterland. The five million Secunts were unable to look after themselves. They had been told so by their neighbours in Seconderland and they believed them.

‘How could you defend yourselves,’ asked Seconderland, ‘without our submarines?’

The Secunts nodded in agreement. These submarines were  controlled by Yonderland with whom Seconderland had a special relationship. Besides Seconderland, although usually lying fourth or fifth in any ranking, had won a football match all by themselves in 1966.

One day one of Seconderland’s submarines was patrolling under the Atlantic Ocean.  In the defence of civilisation and of Secunterland it carried multiple rockets and atomic bombs. Deep, broad and wide is the Atlantic Ocean but with the skill born of a seafaring race the Seconders drove their submarine so skilfully that it collided with a Frog. The Frog was also patrolling the Atlantic to save civilisation.

Four little Seconders going under sea.
One collided with a Frog and then there were three.

‘Have no fear,’ said Seconderland. ‘We have some left. You can’t defend yourselves so we’ll do it for you.’

Shortly after that another Seconderland submarine was sailing through a passage named after an ancestor of the Secunts. He had used it as a shortcut for his great big rowing boats. Generations of Secunts had sailed through and even put buoys down to mark the way. Alas with the skill born of a seafaring race the Seconders missed good King Haakon’s channel and hit the Isle of Skye.

Three Seconder submarines full of RN crew.
One hit the Isle of Skye and then there were two.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Seconderland. ‘Yonderland keeps the key to fire the rockets anyway. We only have them for show. But you can’t look after yourselves so you’re safer with us.’

And the Secunts believed them. 

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In the next chapter read how Sir Jamie MacSporran was born, was educated in Edinburgh’s famous Senior Secondary Academy, never grew up, and joined The Old Club and Prayerfield Golf Club.

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